Home for the Holiday

October 13, 2008 at 8:52 pm (Memoir) (, , , , , )

I went home for Thanksgiving. I did not want to go home for Thanksgiving. It seemed a lot of effort for just two days. Saturday morning on the bus. One supper Saturday evening. Church and dinner one town over Sunday. And back home today. After begging a ride and feeling guilty about it. I’m tired of someone else directing my life. I want my life back. I want to be selfish like she is.

Home in the first two mentions being my mother’s house and back home being my apartment. Which is quiet and well organised (I’ll admit I’m very particular about my space – I like it uncluttered). Mother is a pack rat. Mother thinks what she wants is paramount (which explains why I was home for the holiday). It was too much trouble to argue about two days. Easier to give in.

Yes, I understand that I am choosing to subvert my will to keep conflict out of my life. This relationship has been going on now for over forty-eight years and I have come to the realization that my mother will/can not change. So, I’ve decided to pick my battles.

Which means she gets the major holidays and I get to live the other 90% of my life the way I want to. It also means, however, that I will never have an authentic relationship with either of my parents. Go back to blog post one, I’m sure I mentioned that they are divorced. I choose not to argue with my parents. This is my choice.

And thus we have all this angst over one simple holiday! Well okay…I have all this angst.

gigi (not necessarily)


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