Why I Feel Poor

September 30, 2012 at 8:15 am (Life) (, , , , , , , )

I have being feeling poor lately.

I am in a money-less state of being.

Except, I’m not; not really.

I just started a new job.

I’m making more than I’ve ever made!

Still, I am feeling poor.

Feeling Poor is a bad habit that I need to excise from my life.

I am not poor. I can afford to cover my rent and bills and buy groceries.

I am, like everyone else, one paycheck away from losing my apartment.

Except, I could go home, move back, if I had to (and have done before).

Am I poor?

As I said, I can afford everything if I am working.

I have a roof over my head (shabby as it is).

I have internet and cable.

I have food.

I am buying a new vehicle (did I mention what happened to the old one).

I have hardly any savings.

My poor is a state of mind.

My poor is not based on my economic status (mostly).

Most people, in this country, would not label me poor.

People in third world countries would call me rich.

Why do I feel poor?

Top three reasons I feel poor…

  1. My new apartment is shabby. Shabby as in burn marks on the floors, patched walls and a tilting balcony. My old apartment, the one I just left, was renovated halfway through my stay there. The paint was fresh and the appliances were pristine. I need to remember that when I moved in there, there was carpet in the kitchen (eww – think about it). I’ve lived worst places than this!
  2. I am alone. I moved five hours more away from family and have no friends here. As a childless adult moving somewhere new I find that most people I meet are not looking to increase their social circles. I’ve moved too much. I’m ready to settle down somewhere permanently and it’s not here which is too far away from everyone I care about and need.
  3. I’m playing the lottery again. (See here and here). I find it ironic that playing the lotto makes me feel poor. According to all the commercials isn’t winning the lotto the path to wealth and happiness. I know the odds of winning. I’ve calculated what this cost me weekly (3 x 52 = 156 dollars). But I’ve once again stopped believing that I am capable of providing for not just my needs but also my dreams. A friend wrote recently that she wanted me to have the world. My heart sighed at this; I don’t think the world is possible anymore!

Poor is a learned habit. Poor is a state of mind that grinds me down to dust. I hate feeling poor and being poor.

I worry that one day soon I will have nothing but memories and dreams.

I worry about becoming homeless and alone.

I worry about ending up on the street.

I remember one government agency (social services) saying I was scum/trash while another (the library) was saying I was important enough to nurture and guide.

We need to be able to give aid and also nurture dreams.

We – Society – have to stop teaching poverty and start teaching hope!

Even now, my mother is reluctant to have a savings account because the welfare state makes you spend all you have before they’ll help you.

Society makes you feel like a beggar at the gate asking for a handout rather than a prodigal asking for help to become all you can be.

I’ve been here too often.

I’ve been two months from living on the street.

I’ve had to count pennies to buy an onion.

I’ve been too poor to afford raspberries or to buy an ice cream cone.

I am tired of feeling like a beggar at the gate asking for a handout rather than a prodigal asking for help to become all that I  can be.

I want to feel like it is possible for me to have the world.

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This concludes my month of thinking and blogging about money. I hope it made you think. I know it made me think.

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2 Comments

  1. rarasaur said,

    It’s all true, and being poor is an awful debilitating feeling. I’m wishing you only the best in the future, including lots of lots of money. 🙂 Also, for the friend thing… do y’all have meetup’s in your area? That’s a nice way to meet new people out in my area, so maybe it’d work in yours?

    • solitaryspinster said,

      Unfortunately no meetups even close to my area. I live in a small Canadian city and some days it feels like everyone knows everyone else and I’m the only new soul in town.

      Thanks for the comment. I like your avatar & screen name!

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